I was walking by Cipriani last night here in Manhattan. This one happens to be the SoHo location. There's outdoor seating outside the entrance and it spills into the sidewalk, right on West Broadway which is a HORRIBLE and CROWDED street, but that is a topic for another day. Anyway, at all hours, there is always a huge conglomeration of absolute douche and tools in front of the restaurant. DOUCHE.
No, you're not getting it.
Think of the biggest toolbag you know. Now give this toolbag a lot of money and an underdeveloped palate. Give this toolbag really bad cologne/perfume. If he's a dude, he gets a navy blazer and shirt buttoned down to there. If she's a lady, she has insensible footwear. Now imagine this toolbag in front of Cipriani. Now imagine a yellow (yellow!) Ferrari parked in front. Now think of this toolbag clicking on and off the car alarm just so everyone gets it. OH YES THIS IS SOMEONE'S FANCY CAR. Anyway that is Cipriani. I hate that place. I've been to another location for dinner and it was underwhelming and overpriced. I was offended. It is like they served me pasta and then called me a racist name.
Look, if you want "the scene" there are far better places to go, right on that street. If you actually want bad food and look at pretty people, there are also better places on that street. If you want really good food and ugly people, you can find it around there too. It infuriates me to spend a lot of money on a bad meal and I especially hate douche, so Cipriani is pretty much the antithesis of everything I stand for. I almost feel bad writing about it because it's such an easy target. But every night, when I must walk through the douchetrap in front of Cipriani, I think, no, no. This isn't right.
